i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
