note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
