Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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