So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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