He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
