It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize