I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have feelings that need drinking.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
