So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize