dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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