i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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