i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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