i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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