The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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