sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
