I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i need some magic done to my vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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