I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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