Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
