you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
