Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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