I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Still dying that you shit outside
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
