I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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