dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
