Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
