If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
