So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize