So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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