Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
