i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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