I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
