call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
