i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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