why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
