go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
