I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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