people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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