Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
