I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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