Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
