drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Too much gin, very little bucket
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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