The maid of honor just puked.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
