I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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