I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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