I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
