i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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