Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
