Have you finally orgasmed yet?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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