He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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