Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
