So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
