Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
