i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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