My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
