Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
