I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
