She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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