I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
