The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize