What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
