people are starting to question the shark bite story
I checked into jail on foursquare
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
