Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
