Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
