You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize