bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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