Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
