I wanna bring you to show and tell
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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