She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
