Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
