I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
