i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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