dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
