i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
