I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
