Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
