she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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