So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize