Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
